I am in awe of the responses to my last blog posted on June 29th, on Brokenness! I discovered that so many of us have been on similar journeys, waiting expectantly for God’s promises to finally break through, contending for our faith, standing strong even on shaky legs, while facing the ongoing assaults of the enemy and wondering why it seems like our prayers are just falling to the ground. And I must say, that it was so encouraging to know I was not facing these battles alone! As I look back, I can see why the journey to my obedience to post publicly from brokenness and transparency was so difficult. The enemy of our souls did not want us to band together and take back our ground!
Towards the end of May, a very dear friend of mine introduced to me a concept of praying differently in the Courts of Heaven. Since she had loaned out her book at the time, I feebly prayed with the best understanding I had, based on our conversation. As I finished, I felt like my prayers only fell to the ground once again, with no breakthrough in sight. Then the night before posting my blog, another friend sent my husband, Curtis, and I, a YouTube link to the Introduction to the Courts of Heaven by Robert Henderson. That night Curtis went to bed watching the video. I remember rolling over in bed around 4 am and saw Curtis watching the video with his headset and wondered how he was ever going to get up for an early morning meeting.
At 7 am I awoke to Curtis zipping around the room with so much energy, joy, and expectancy. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I really recognized him as he was certainly NOT the man who went to bed the night before…the man with the weight of the world on his shoulders, full of stress. I asked him how he was feeling and like rapid fire, he began to explain to me what he learned. As his hope grew through watching the long video session, something shifted. At 4:40 am, the power of God fell on him. Electricity went through his body and his legs went numb. He couldn’t move as he prayerfully took our family to the Courts of Heaven to present our case before God as the just Judge and contended for our breakthrough. And our breakthrough began to break through that very day indeed!!
Now it doesn’t mean that it has been sweet smelling roses since June 30th. But we have such renewed hope along with new weapons of warfare! As the enemy has tried repeatedly over the last two weeks to steal our joy and peace and hope, we have reminded him that God as our Judge has ruled in our favor! And then we stand our ground and lift our voices in praise!
The following morning, on July 1st, I attended our church’s Saturday Morning Intercessory Prayer. And immediately during worship, the Lord gave me a vision that I feel led to share with you:
During worship, I saw dancing and twirling, as in celebration! And I heard the Lord say, “Victory is yours! Victory is here! Your time is NOW! Therefore, come completely surrendered to Me and come boldly! For it is time to receive your mantle. Come boldly to My Throne. You are worthy…for My Son bought you…redeemed you with His precious blood.”
Next I saw fertile ground. There was fertile ground and I sensed in my spirit that our tears have watered it as we’ve sown our seeds, both good and bad. I continued worshipping. Yes – Spirit breakout! Heaven come down. Break our walls down!!
I then saw the soil again and it was black & rich with nutrients to grow anything planted. I saw fresh shoots sprouting! But I also saw areas that were brown and dead representing areas where bad seeds were once sown – seeds of anger, condemnation, doubt, fear, judgment. And I heard the Holy Spirit whisper that this was not to bring condemnation but revelation to us! Just as our tongue can give both life and death, we will reap what we sow…both good and bad or life and death. If we are reaping from bad seed, than repent, turn from these ways, and go humbly to His Throne and begin planting good seeds. These seeds will produce greater harvests, pouring blessings out over us and our environment, as we see from His perspective and let His light shine through us and rest in Him.
Where I saw the fresh shoots sprouting high – luscious green shoots – I then saw a snake slithering toward that area. And in an instant, I saw bars spring up like a fence that blocked his entrance to the luscious area. But the brown area was unprotected and the snakes and vipers were not only able to enter that area but were also laying eggs there, to hatch more destruction in this area.
I was then reminded of Acts 3:19 and heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “Repent, therefore, and turn back to God with a humble heart – not one of striving to get it right and do it perfectly, but a heart that is broken and humble and open to receive.”
Looking back over the last few months, I recognized that my attitude towards God grew worse as we felt like we were constantly being let down, unable to understand what was happening, and why God was allowing it. As I recounted this vision and reflected on what I was sowing, I realized my seeds didn’t represent good seeds formerly planted. Instead I had sown seeds of discontent and bitterness and immediately I repented.
I took some time that day to listen to Robert Henderson’s teachings. He mentioned three types of prayer leading up to the one for breakthrough in the Courts of Heaven. He described praying to God as Abba, as Father, and as the just Judge. As I listened to the remainder of the first video, the word Abba Father kept lingering with me. For days I would be reminded of knowing Abba Father – our Daddy who provides, lovingly for His children. And I wondered…did I lose sight of God as my Abba Father and only looked to Him as the One I serve??
One of my life verses is Psalm 46:10 – “Be still and know I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth!” Another version of this Scripture says “Cease striving and know I am God…” As I shared in my earlier post on Brokenness, the Lord showed me as things don’t turn out as expected, as our promises seem delayed or getting my hopes up only to be let down again, I tend to turn to striving for perfection for God, because I act as if I am only as good as the last job I did for Him (servant instead of child and heir). Knowing that Psalm 46:10 is not a soft suggestion, but a command of God, striving for perfection for Him makes no sense to continue doing!
As I pressed into God for understanding and direction, I came across a book called “Abba’s Promise: 33 Stories of God’s Pledge to Provide” by Debra L Butterfield. When I read, “God knows what we need even before we do. Although He could ‘rain pennies from heaven,’ He often uses other people to answer our prayers for provision,” I began to weep as I realized that although I DID know God as my Abba Father, I failed to recognize His face in the “smaller” provisions for such a long time. I actually got swept up in a flood of “religion”.
There were times that I felt like I was being interviewed by well meaning people. Have you repented for any sins? Check! Are you tithing consistently? Check! Are you praying from victory instead of for victory? Check! Are you decreeing and declaring? Check! Are you praying with great expectation as to not limit God instead of with a poverty mentality? Check! All of these well meaning solutions are not bad or wrong in and of themselves. But…FOR ME…it only caused me to withdraw and strive and eventually I only looked for “big” things. All or nothing! I ended up missing the small provisions Abba Father brought us. And if I didn’t miss them, I sadly dismissed them as merely bandaids attempting to hold back a dam from bursting. I cried out in repentance, “Oh Daddy! How foolish and ungrateful I was acting! Please forgive me!”
A friend so sweetly reminded me, God has many faces. The person who prays for you is the face of God. The person who slips cash in your hand unexpectedly, is the face of God. The person who blesses you by filling your gas tank, is the face of God. The one who offers you a smile in your distress, a meal, food for your freezer, a giftcard, etc. They are all faces of God as Abba Father! He is our source of hope and security and His unending love for each one of us encourages us to continue to walk worthy of our calling no matter what storms swirl around us.
So while you are waiting for your BIG breakthrough, try not to forget all of the smaller breakthroughs that lead up to it…all orchestrated by a loving Daddy, our Abba Father!
In Abba’s Arms,
See Acts 3:19; Psalm 46:10; Romans 8:14-17; Galatians 4:6; 1 John 3:1; 2 Corinthians 6:18; Ephesians 4:1